Dearest H

I keep six honest serving-men (They taught me all I knew); Their names are What and Why and When And How and Where and Who.

I send them over land and sea, I send them east and west;

But after they have worked for me, I give them all a rest.

What ?  

What are you doing? What makes you happy? What is your path? 

Have you found your purpose?  What do you need?  What can I do to help?

I wish I knew.

Why ? 

Your favourite question. Is it still? I hope so.  

Why do you hate me when I gave you everything I had?

Why can I not find a way to reconnect?   Why do you block me out of your life?   

I cannot answer  any of this. I can only assume you believe the spin of one who loves to hate.

When?

When will you break free of the spell? When will you seek to find answers? When might you call?

Hear me when I talk to you every night before sleep. When will I see you again? 

My biggest fear is never.

How?

How did this happen? 18 years now and no sight or sound. How are you my darling daughter? I think about you every day. Are you still alive? If so are you well? Are you healthy Are you happy?  Are you loved. Are you in love? I wish I knew.  The lack of news makes me fear the worst.  

Where?

Where are you now?   Are you still in Manchester or Kent or someplace else?  You are a ghost leaving no trace no crumbs to follow.   I shine a light into the darkness hoping that one day my light is returned.  I leave all the lights on to guide you   I set a place every Christmas in the hope you might surprise.   I make myself as easy to reach out to or approach yet there is no sign.   Where are you now? I have no clue.

Who?

Who are you now?  The last of Kiplings serving men but by far the most important.  It is longer now since I lost you than those first nine years I knew you.  I knew every sound you made , every breath you took. Every smile moved me. Hearing you sing brought tears. Listening to your questions was my joy every day.  I loved watching you sleeping.  In awe of your utter peacefulness and beauty. 

But, who you are now ?  Who have you become?

Who you are now is easy to answer and the least of my fears.  You are and always have been my beautiful daughter. You are remarkable, special, talented and gifted.   I don’t know how the years since we last saw each other have been but what  ever has transpired I know nothing will dim your light and you are someone I  am proud  of and even if I never see you again will always love unconditionally with all my heart.  The only person I can and will ever say that about.

Be happy. Be amazing. Find your own path x