Doha 21 May 2006

Well H it is now 8pm. I am on the other side of the World. It is very hot and dry unlike Jersey. I think you are having big storms at the moment.

I am staying at a nice hotel and went swimming in the sea tonight. There are lots of jelly fish so I had to be careful. You will be pleased I didn't get stung.

I am now sitting in the foyer listening to a pianist and violinist playing beautifully. Dream a little dream for me by the mammas and papas. How ironic.

The hotel is shaped like a pyramid. And I can see all the way to the top from the inside. Next to me is a huge chandelier made in the shape of a palm tree.

The lifts are brightly coloured glass pods and zip up and down the middle of the pyramid. I know you would think it so cool.

I wish you could be here to see all the beautiful things and we were spending time on holiday together. I hear things are going well and you are a bit of a star at School. I am very proud of you and how you are doing. I got your school photo sent to me. I love your new uniform.

How grown up you look I cannot believe how quickly you are growing. I cried I am ashamed to say. I cried because it just reminded me how beautiful our girl is and how much I miss you and how much of your life I am missing. I so wish to hear your voice and hear all about your new friends, about your trip to Bude and all the good things you now enjoy. I also want to hear about the less good things and help you through them by just being there or talking them through like we did on Sundays on the way to the gym or the pool or on the bike.

I have taken some pictures so you can be here too, maybe in your dreams. They are now playing somewhere over a rainbow. Even if I try to stop thinking of you, to make the pain go away, something always happens to bring you right into my every thought. With every thought comes a memory and a feeling. Normally, it is a happy one about how wonderful you are, but alongside it a really sad one because I am missing you so so very much my darling. That makes me cry all over again. How silly is that. It doesn't matter how fast I run, how hard I swim, how long I work you are there. They are all good memories. It is true what they say: Absence does make the heart grow fonder. What they don't tell you is how much a broken heart hurts. If you or Mummy feel anything like this, I am so sorry I caused it all by my mistakes and I hope we can all find a way of making it better somehow.

I have you with me everywhere I go. You will understand what I mean by that one day H. I don't know how good the post is here so I am sending this and my last letter to the UK to send on. I know the Americans will mix up Jersey with New Jersey and their postal system is rubbish. This way you might get my mail quicker. I will write again on my next stop and tell you all about the places I am visiting so you can be there in your head at least. Why not ask Mummy for an email account in yahoo or hotmail so we can write to each other.

Night night sweet dream Little Nut brown hare I love you so very much.