16/10/2013
Dear Harri,
I hope this finds you well and happy and receiving this letter does not change that. I have received your exam results from the Summer and recently a report from School on your progress. This was instead of my usual visit to parents evening.
I was sad to miss it, but I was away and it was the first time I have missed one so I hope you will forgive me.
I see you are now House Captain which is great and will be good for your C.V and UCCA form. All I can say on both your results and report is well done. I am very, very proud of you and have great admiration for how hard you must have worked.
Your music and singing must be amazing. I have no idea, but everyone tells me that grade 8 is the pinnacle and really quite special. I entered you for X Factor a couple of years ago and always wonder whether one day you will be there on the TV screen. You definitely are more talented than James Arthur from what little I have witnessed.
I wonder what you are going to study at Uni? Music, english or history? I would assume music or english as your last School report suggested you were less keen on history and thinking of dropping it. I was glad to see you are sticking at it and even more surprised to see you are focusing on Kennedy!
I am sure you know this from Mum, but I was born on the same day as JFK was assassinated. Your Grandma Jean (my mother) was Jean
before she married My Dad. Your Great Grandfather was ‘Jack’ Kennedy and your Great Uncle (my mother’s brother) was Robert ‘Bobby’ Kennedy. Spooky huh! Whilst a coincidence your heritage is not connected. You are descended from the Scots Kennedys not the Irish lineage of JFK. Well at least from my side. Mum is descended from the Irish so you never know there may be link through your Granddad Joe.
As for your own lineage the Kennedy clan from which you come were from Ayrshire and fought with Robert the Bruce against the English at the battle of Bannockburn. The family motto is Avise la fin - "Consider the end" and the family crest is a dolphin.
In terms of tartan you have a choice. You might think you should wear Mackenzie tartan but technically you are not entitled to. (Not that anyone but you would know.) Mum has a lovely Mackenzie tartan skirt.
You are entitled to wear the Kennedy tartan and this comes in 3 forms: ancient Modern and Weathered! If you would like something made up in any of these as a present let me know.
This year is the 50th anniversary of JFK’s assassination and therefore my 50th too! I will be having a party and I could not think of a better present than to have you there. I know that is highly unlikely but the invitation is made, not that you ever need an invitation to come and see me.
I now must make an apology. I started writing to you in August but abandoned the letter on numerous occasions. It is so difficult to say anything of meaning. I started talking about how wonderful the Summer weather was and asking about your holiday as I know you went somewhere exotic. I read it and re read it and thought a) it really doesn’t say anything and b) would be of no interest to a 17 year old.
I really have got to the stage where, starved of information about your life, interests and loves it becomes almost impossible to have any meaningful dialogue. (hold on doesn’t dialogue mean two way communication!) It is sad that the little girl I knew so well and love with all my heart is today a mature, young woman who I no longer know and cannot connect with.
I spend plenty of time in the company of teenagers and keep up to speed as best I can with what’s hot and what’s not. They are not you though and I am not their dad so it will always be different. I can communicate pretty well face to face where I can see reactions and obtain feedback. On paper however, I am inept and find it difficult to communicate effectively. I had hoped that my short video and the music I sent you might have made a connection but I don’t expect it made it past the Censor. If it did, I must assume it failed to make it through the layers of hurt, propaganda and self preserving armour.
As you grow and experience new things, as you travel and spend time with people from different cultures and backgrounds you will change. You will start to think differently about your life, me, and what has transpired. You will then start to feel differently which, will help you to see things in a different way. Being as mature and bright as you are; as ‘perceptive, enthusiastic and sharp thinking’ as you are, (according to Mrs M) then it will not be long before you will need to find the answers you are looking for or to see the other side.
In the same way as your study of JFK will have shown you there are many ways of looking at a point in time and many opinions on the man himself. Your perceptions and view will always be influenced by who you listen to and what you read. Was he an inspirational leader who was killed in his prime or a dangerous sex and drug addict making a mockery out of the Presidency. Was he killed by the Mafia, the Soviets, the Cubans, KKK or the CIA? There are so many questions still looking for answers 50 years on. Likewise, I have so many questions about my past that will never be answered.
I was pilloried in court by the Judge for telling you the truth when you asked why I was not coming home. I should have considered the impact on you of being honest. I was honest with you because I couldn’t not be. I was in the wrong and you needed to know it was not something you had done or mum it was me who had failed you both. My need to tell you the truth was hardwired. I was lied to by my parents all the time. I was treated as if I couldn’t possibly understand when I felt I did. I vowed at around 11, I would never treat my own child that way. So whilst I have lied and been dishonest to others and done things I am not proud of, I have never and will never lie to you.
So when I say to you:
I love you- Don’t let those words be twisted by anyone. Until you hold a child of your own in your hands it is not something you cannot truly understand. You are the only person in the world I have ever loved selflessly, unconditionally and would do anything for.
I miss you. – This is not meaningless txt speak but a deep ache I live with every day. You might be out of sight but you are never out of mind.I am proud of you – I am proud of what you have achieved and who you have become. You were always different and stood out from the crowd and I know you will make that difference count in ways I cannot imagine. Work hard now – You probably don’t realise it now but the effort you put in between now and May will have such a profound effect and pay dividends for your future that you will benefit 100 fold. Be nice to people on your way up. You will meet them again on your way down! It doesn’t matter how good you are. One day you will peak or fall from grace. People have long memories and being nice to people costs nothing and pays for itself in so many ways. It is not what you know, but who you know. – The best skill you can develop in life is networking. I see it so often that the people you meet now at school and at university will become your future. You only need to look at the current Government or Opposition. They all know each other from your age. Yes you need talent. But without it, connections will get you most of the way. With talent and connections your star will burn bright. I hope you have inherited my luck. – Talent and hard work are great but we all need luck too. I have been blessed with good luck and have always found good fortune when all appears bleak.
So, to finish you probably should also know the Philps family motto: MENS CONSCIA RECTI -A mind conscious of rectitude. The coat of arms is a black lion rampant facing left with a duke’s coronet collar on silver shield.
Avise la fin.
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