15 December 2010
Dearest H
Christmas again! I hope your last few days at School are fun and your concert goes well. Don’t worry! Relax chill I am not coming! I have learned from the last couple of years.
I have thought long and hard over what to get you for Christmas. I have looked at all the online Jack Wills and Hollister stuff. I could make a guess at sizes and what you would like, what I don’t know given the limited range is whether you would already have it. I thought about buying you an ipod or a phone, but realized that you would almost certainly have them already. I considered all sorts of music and dvd’s but whatever I chose, be it Matt Cardle, Take That or Now 77 Im sure it would be misinterpreted. There is nothing worse than an unwanted present or one you already have or one that has no thought. (Actually there is.) So hoping I do not fall into the camp of giving you something without thought I am sending you money. I hope you will use it for something you really want / need and that whatever you get brings you much joy and happiness.
When I have sent money or cheque in the past I never know if it actually gets to you. So I have set up a Savings account with Natwest. I could not set it up in your name as you need to be there to do that. I have had to set it up in my name and will receive a debit card which I will send on to you by separate cover once I have established a pin number. It has £400 in it which I hope will keep you in JW or A&F as required. You can draw money out from any ATM as you want / need. There is no overdraft facility so once it is gone it’s gone. I have also set up a monthly direct debit in lieu of the pocket money you would have had from me if I was still there. I will also send money to this account on birthdays and Christmas so don’t lose the card. There is one downside to this for you. You will have to ring me when you get the card. When you do I will give you the pin code. I’m sorry if this is uncomfortable for you but I want to confirm you have the card and that only you will have access to it. I have had a few problems with unauthorized and illegal use of my account in the past and large sums going missing. It is therefore no good asking someone else to ring on your behalf. Be rest assured once I have confirmed it is you, I will give you the number. If you do not wish to talk further then you can put the phone down on me. If you choose not to call, it will gain interest and be there for when you need it or decide to call. Sorry but as you grow up you realise that you have to do things that hurt or that you don’t want to do, to make choices and decisions that affect the rest of your life.
I hope you are doing something nice for Christmas. Aus? Spain? Sri Lanka? Jersey? Well whatever it is, keep safe and have fun. I you are here in the UK, keep wrapped up warm. I hope you don’t get snowed in, although if Mum still has the CRV you should be ok getting up and down the lane.
It will be a quiet Christmas here in Dorset but will be nice. I bought a tree for the first time in many years. It’s a fake one but hey it will last and save the planet from losing 1 tree a year from now on. There is one present that will go under it this year and every year going forward which is for you. One day maybe you might come and collect it. It took over a year, much toil and tears to make it. It is not something I can just post.
I struggle with what to tell you or say about my life as whatever I say seems to just upset or wind up Mum. At least I know they arrive whether you see them is of course another matter.
All I will say is that I am happy, settled and moving on with my life. I have made a decision that I cannot stay on hold waiting for you to have a change of heart or expect everything to miraculously change and we suddenly all get on amicably. So I have faced the fact I wont probably see you until you are ready. As such I am getting on with my life.
It is a very different life to the ridiculous one I had where all I did was work and did not give you and Mum the time you wanted or needed. I now work to live rather than live to work and that is more balanced and by default more frugal. I am in a relationship with someone who is very special to me and I love very much. She has two daughters who are lovely girls and very curious about you. We see each other most weekends and all get on really well. We had a couple of weeks away in Spain in the summer at the family apartment and that was great. We will spend Christmas with the bigger family so I think there will be 18 for Christmas lunch including 4 generations. It is a new experience for me as I don’t ever remember having a big family Christmas but I’m looking forward to it.
Other news - I saw the E’s recently and was amazed at how much the girls had grown. Emily was quite the young lady with lots of attitude and confidence and it was incredible to see how different she was to the 8 year old I last met. Sadly she said you were not in touch with anyone from School anymore and that she had not seen you for years . I am so sad you are no longer in touch with Lucy, Mary or Emily you were such good friends. Maybe you could pop over on a bike without having to rely on a lift. There is a very nice mint condition racing bike in the garage. Given Mum’s experience of her mum, I am sure she would let you use it. It matches your eyes too!
Anyway friendships change and we move on. The few really good friends we have stay good friends throughout life even with gaps of years, and that is enough to keep us going when it gets tough.
I hope you are both well and happy. I hope Mum has managed to move on and has someone special in her life. I suppose I should ask the same of you now. Nigel had me in hysterics telling me about Emily’s boyfriend coming over. Needless to say Nigel was very protective, he hasn’t been back! Just think how lucky you are that you don’t have me vetting all boys and being really embarrassing with your friends.
Anyway my lovely, be happy, live life to the max, give mum hell like she used to do to her mum when she was your age. And when you have those big rows as you are bound to do, and say you are leaving, use the money to get on a train and come visit your other home. It’s easy it just takes a first step. So Paddock Wood to London Waterloo then SWTrains (the ones that work in the snow!) to Wareham Simples!
Oh and when you have calmed down and realise you still love her and she probably was right, ill drive you home or put you back on the train.
Anyway in case you had not noticed that was an attempt at humour. Don ’t row with your mother she is always right even when she is wrong! But, if you do ever feel an itch as I did when I was your age and decide to visit your other home and your adoring dad, like me, then it is fairly straightforward.
Alternatively, Just call me. You have the number or call for free on skype or facebook you know how to get hold of me. If you do find it in your heart I’d love to hear your voice this Christmas. I will keep my phone on and hope alive.
I love you my little Nut Brown Hare.
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