29 November 2007
Dear H
What a star you are! I received Mummy’s nice letter today (thank her for me please) Wow in the paper again and winning again. You should be very proud and pleased with yourself and the choir. I so wish I had been there to see your performance. I hope you know I want to and would be there at the drop of a hat as I always was whenever you were in the play or doing gymnastics. If you want me there all you have to do is tell me and I will be there.
I notice the Eisteddfod was on my birthday. I cannot think of a nicer birthday present than to know you were enjoying the evening and ended up winning two trophies. You always have had a beautiful voice and I am so glad you are making the most of it. I have no doubt you could go on to win Xfactor like Leona Lewis if you put your mind to it and continue to work hard.
My day was not quite as exciting as yours but nice all the same. I was taken for lunch in Weymouth by J who is a special friend who I have known for a while now. In the evening I went for a pizza with her family. She has two girls R 13 and H 10 They are great fun and desperately want to meet you. One is the year above you and one the year below you so spending time with them helps me imagine how tall you might be and the sort of things you might be interested in, the music you might like and the books you might be reading. I’m always asking them for help in picking music to send you. Having not seen you for 2 years it gets harder and harder to know what you might like or be interested in.
The best thing that happened was your School photo arrived… well the proof anyway! A smile at last fantastic what a smile too. I can only assume that you had a brace or something you were hiding before. Your red jumper really suits and looks very smart and bright just like you. I keep looking at it and cannot wait until the big one arrives. Will you ask Mummy to send me some more photographs maybe one from your holiday in sri lanka on an elephant. I am sure you can understand how much I miss you and miss seeing and hearing you.
Buying you a present for Christmas is a big challenge. How to get it to you, what to buy you? If it is by internet how do you send it back if you don’t like it or it is the wrong size Ahhhh. Why is life so difficult. Why oh why can we not just chat on the phone or write to each other like normal divorced or separated families. I hope one day someone will explain to me why this is the way it is. It makes no sense to me. What would you really like for Christmas H? Send me a list or indicate to Mummy what you might like so she can tell me in her next letter. The only present I want for Christmas is to hear your voice. That would be the best present I could ever have in the whole world.
It is good to hear you are making good use of a previous Christmas present and that you are practicing hard for your piano grades. I look forward to hearing how well you did soon.
I went to Monkey World eventually this weekend. It is a Monkey rescue centre just up the road which everyone has told me is brilliant. It reminded me of Jersey Zoo. Do you remember us having a photo with the Gorilla statue and laughing at the Lemurs? Anyway it was nice and they do great works protecting monkeys and rescuing them from around the world. There was a very tatty chimpanzee called Gordon! I will take you to meet him one day.
I wanted to buy you a ticket for the VIP opening of the Golden Compass on Wednesday next week. There is a VIP event at 2030 at your cinema. But as it is midweek and I don’t know if you are allowed out during the week I have decided to put some money in the envelop so you can get your own ticket and maybe go with friends. Im sure you will enjoy meeting Lyra and Lord Asriel again. Im not sure you enjoyed the books as much as Harry Potter or Inkheart but I enjoyed reading them with you.
One of my happiest memories was the day the new Harry Potter book arrived from Amazon and we all stayed in bed all day reading until we finished the book. I’m told you have no good memories of the past and I am portrayed as some sort of wicked horrible person who you are frightened of. I know you know that is not true and that you have good happy memories. I could list a hundred on this page. They are as vivid today as when they happened. Paris, Egypt, Whale watching in Vancouver, Jersey, Mark Warner, Barcelona, Hours on the swings in Southborough, Ballet, swimming, cycling, counting silver cars, Tower of London with Cris, Christmases x 9 and what about Disney and Seaworld in Florida and New York. Feeding ducks in Dinorlan Park, the ball park in Tonbridge and how about 9 years of shoulder rides!
Do you really think Mummy would have gone off with the Navy so much leaving me in charge If she didn’t think I was a good father. I am the first to admit I have made mistakes Harriet and I deeply regret those mistakes. I can honestly say I have never done anything deliberately to upset either you or Mummy and have always worked my hardest to provide for you both to the best of my ability. I hope that one day you will come to realise this and will get to know me again as I so want to know you.
Monday there was yet another court hearing as I am sure you know and you will now have your own representative I hope to ensure you are heard and your wishes can be taken into account. I still don’t understand why we cannot talk and I can hear your views in your own words or talk through any things you don’t understand. I hate to think how much this whole thing is costing Mummy . Surely it makes sense to talk. I have enclosed an article on how Prince Andrew and his ex wife Sarah Ferguson approached this whole thing. So many children are from divorced parents and have a good relationship with both their Mum and Dad. You should talk to R and H about their experience one day. You will soon find you are not alone in the way you feel.
I was up in London this week and had dinner with my old school friend Gill and Nick her husband. Their girls Rebecca and Emily are growing up quickly and asked how you were. Gill gave me a picture of you taken many years ago in the house in V road. You are wearing a white pinafore dress with yellow flowers. A veil and wings yes you are dressed as an angel or a fairy not sure which. Anyway I have added it to the few photographs I have of you. A precious addition to my collection of memories.
I am back home now for quite a time. No trips away and no work in the diary. I have my operation at last on the 10th so I can spend Christmas recovering and taking it easy. It will be the first Christmas in the Church and I so wish you could come and share it. I painted the gates and fence today while the sun was out and went for my first run since Oman today which was a lovely experience. I keep discovering new paths and bridal paths acroos the heath and through the woods. I came back covered in mud and very wet but was glad that I had done it. I saw a buzzard and a snipe, 4 jays and lots of the lovely long tailed tits that seem to inhabit the area. Nicest of all I saw 5 deer. One of which I got so close to before it saw me that I could almost have touched it.
As well as your bedroom being finished, I have a kitchen now too and have learned to cook shock horror! Yes I cooked a roast meal at the weekend and even though I say it myself it was great. Only one problem ….I forgot H is a veggie oops! Anyway I recovered with some tinned salmon whilst they practiced their dance routines to the new Leona Lewis album.
I am really loving being in Dorset and close to the sea but also having woods and the river close by. It has been so wet that the river flooded all the fields around the church last week and it looked so pretty. I hope you will come and visit one day soon. Dublin Duck and Fuzzy miss you but not half as much as I do. The one disadvantage is all my friends are back in Kent and I do miss them as I am sure you miss your old friends. Do you ever hear from Lucy, Emily, Mary, Amelia etc? I m sure they miss you too.
Enjoy the Golden Compass The enclosed Photographs and keep smiling that beautiful smile of yours. Thank Mummy again for her letter and give her a hug from me. I cannot turn the clock back and wish things had turned out differently. She was my best friend for 20 years and I do miss her very much too. I am glad you are both happy and enjoying your new life. I hope one day you will let me be there for you, to be part of your life and make up for all the pain I have caused you both.
Love as always
Daddy xxxxxxxxxx
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