Letter to your Grandmother

1 June 2004

Dear Mum,

It was good to see you on Friday and Saturday. I am so glad you are at last out of hospital and being well cared for. I am writing now to confirm all we agreed and also to update you on the latest family news which is not good sadly.

I apologise for typing this but felt that with your eyesight not being as good as it was you might appreciate a clear typeface instead of my usual scrawl. It also has a spellchecker so you can only get ‘stressy’ about my grammar! Once a blue stocking…. L so takes after you like that, always picking up on my numerous mistakes and poor punctuation.

Anyway, first an update. I am writing this on my way to Geneva for work and will print off and post on my return. My client is one I know you will approve of. It is Reuters. I have been working with them for 4 years now and can honestly say they are the most ethical and values driven companies I have come across.

H went to her first grown up gymnastics class yesterday for a trial and has been asked to come back to train 3 nights a week! They were impressed with her and now want here to go for National grades. L, as an ex GB squad coach in the past says that this is a huge step and H is now in the big league if she wants to go for it. Finally L starts a Masters degree in Creative Writing at Birkbeck in September. It is 2 years part-time and she is very excited. She has to complete a novel as part of the course.

Now on to ‘Affairs of State’. Since the call from Paula C at Social Services to ask me on your behalf to take on Power of Attorney and my visit this week to have you sign the paperwork, I have been busy. To update you I have carried out the following on your behalf:

Visit the flat and cleared all personal papers and personal /valuable possessions. These I have in safekeeping at home and can let you have at short notice on your request. I did not find your brothers medals in the flat and have asked that Cath makes a final check before the flat is cleared of the furniture and returned to D Housing.

I have returned the keys to the Scheme Manager and arranged for a clearance to take place on Thursday of this week. I paid £100 cash for this which I know you think excessive but is in keeping with my experience recently. (The cash you gave me in MH from your pension money {£80} was used for this.

I have taken a final reading of the electricity and paid the outstanding paper bill of £15 to Cath who confirmed to me on Saturday morning it was cleared and closed.

Today I contacted BT, NPower, United, DHousing and Congleton Borough Council to give notice and request all final bills. They are all being sent to me and I will pay them using the 10 cheques you signed on my visit.

Next week once I have a moment I will write to your bank and send a copy of the Power of attorney form so that I can deal with any further matters as appropriate. Do please let me know if there are any other accounts/ funds etc that you are aware of that I need to deal with.

I have attached a photocopy of a) the note I made which I got you to sign and have witnessed highlighting your requests. b) a copy of the enduring power of attorney and also a record of All financial matters of which I am aware. Please do tell me if there is anything I have missed that I need to investigate.

In answer to your concerns over your money being taken by the council for your care. Please be rest assured that the threshold in this circumstance is that personal wealth up to £18,000 is exempt. You have a lot less than this amount and are therefore not at risk. In addition the inheritance laws state you can legally make tax free gifts up to £3000 per annum if you so wish. If you are in any danger of reaching the threshold I can on your behalf make gifts to your grandchildren to keep you free of the clutches of the Council.

Finally and most distressingly I have also attached a note of your request for funeral arrangements based on our previous conversations and most recent discussion of Friday. (You have been telling me since the Bank House that it is only days away. I expect it to be at least another 10 years before we have to action it!) If there is anything I have wrong or you wish me change please let me know.

I know this all sounds so terribly formal but when I go on to explain the other big news in my life I know you will understand.

As you are aware Dad’s second wife died on Tuesday of last week and the funeral was on Thursday. As I told you the Will was read on Friday morning and much to my shock, the Will was new and had changed dramatically from the previous one that shared the estate 50% each as per Dad’s wishes. I was taken aback by this and thought that it was Step mother having the last word on my ‘disloyalty’ to her by keeping in touch with you and not rejecting you as they convinced my brother to do.

My brother is currently planning to visit you in the near future and I believe will wish to speak to you about his 'other inheritance' following my sharing some of our conversation last week. He will wish to confirm everything I have told him of my visit to you hense me putting everything here in black and white. I will be copying him in on this letter.

There are two issues that are as yet unclear in a legal sense which I would like to tie up. Firstly, some years ago you asked whether L and I would act as your executors. I can find no trace of this being put into place. Secondly I found no Will in the flat. I did however find two blank will forms. If you have a will lodged with a solicitor please can you let me have any details so I can get in contact. If as I believe you have not got around to completing a Will then I have presumed to complete one as per your request to divide the estate in accord with your wishes above. I suggest if you are happy with it you sign it in the presence of Paula or the Manager of MH and return it to me for safe keeping. If you wish to make any changes or additions please do.

Alternatively if you wish to make different will I have also enclosed the 2nd blank form I found and suggest you complete it, sign it and date it and have it witnessed before sending it back to me. You may wish to make special provision for specific items. As we discussed, your engagement ring, photographs, bible, a silver cigarette case and green Parker pens were all of personal value. I also have 5 Prince & princes of Wales crowns which you had collected. Please advise where you wish these to go.

I am sorry this is such a bureaucratic nightmare but I am sure you would not wish there to be any cause for further conflict. In fact I wish you would leave the lot to some good cause where it would do the most good.

I cannot help reflecting on my night in the flat. Having read through the correspondence you kept and, for the first time realising what you had faced and the lies and cheating that you never divulged I became both very angry and deeply upset for the lost and bitter years you have faced alone. I can only say how truly sorry I am. I feel ashamed that I am of the same blood as my Father and wish I had known the true facts long ago. I would certainly have liked to have confronted them with it and may have had some more compassion and understanding over the years rather than nagging you to death about the effects of his behaviour. (smoking and drinking.) I might also have been more tolerant of the anger and frustration often thrown my way by you as the only person you could strike out at. I might also have managed to get your oldest son to get in touch earlier than the 26 years it finally took.

With much love and at last understanding from us all. Wishing you a speedy recovery I will see you shortly.

PS All the loose coins from the flat (£8.51) went into H’s favourite Guidedogs for the Blind donation box in the Victoria Centre in Tunbridge Wells. It is a yellow Labrador and pup and she has always put money in it whenever we go past it shopping. I thought it appropriate as it made me remember Sasha and also with your problems with your eyes I thought it would be close to your heart too.

PPS Thanks for keeping my drawings, letters and school reports. It was a great joy to be able to share them with H. She wasn’t impressed with my drawing but said the writing was reasonably well joined up!! (8 going on 18!)

Enc 1

Funeral Arrangements

£2k given to me to pay for all funeral expenses as and when required.

You requested that the following form the basis of the service/ arrangements:

That you be cremated.

Your ashes be spread to the four winds somewhere by the sea at sunset. Eastney

Service to be conducted by Chaplain to War Memorial Hospital and Minister of United Reform Church

That the ‘Radjetski’ (I know its not spelt right!) March play you out in a ‘blaze of glory’.

Your Mother’s (Mary Agnew Kennedy) favourite song be sung/played – By cool Siloens shady rill. (I found it in the flat and have it)

That I write to inform those important people in your life as per your address books (various)

I have also found a number of pieces of verse you have hand written. They are quite beautifully and talk of love and death. They appear to have one purpose and with your permission I will read them out at the funeral.